Rise up, Warrior... 48 and 49 are the years of cleansing, preparation for the real work of life ahead. All the retrospection, the culling away of what is not needed, the gathering in of what is left to do before the Big 5-0...
then the Sun rises, and we realise Life is still beautiful, and so are we.💖
Thank you, I am loving every minute of aging. For a lot of reasons, I never thought I would live to say that. So much work to be done. I'm sending love right back to you.
I ditched yoga too! And also have been smoking cigarettes. It’s so bad…. That’s sad about your cousin. I have a 21 year old daughter. I worry constantly…..
I think I just totally disconnect and don’t think about it at all. I’m sure that not healthy and think I use smoking to manage my anxiety. I’m finding my way back to yoga. I know it opens me so I sort of avoid it when I don’t feel like sobbing. Lol.
Appreciate you keeping it real. Yeah I turned 50 this year and relate to much of what you said. Anyone working in healthcare sadly gets to literally see things at the ‘sharp end’, all that’s going on and that must definitely take its toll on you after a while, my love. Keep vibing high, my friend x
Thanks Julie Dee. By the way I thought you were about 42! The job has definitely aged me, but somehow it gave me a childlike appreciation for the simplest things in life. I don’t mind because sunsets and ice cream cones always make me feel so happy. ❤️
Bless you. Yes I think as we age we appreciate the simple things in life more and more. A cup of tea always makes me smile, a comfy bed, a starry night….😊
I don’t know how anyone could ever imagine you hate men. 🤔 clearly they don’t actually read what you write. You love men, and like the rest of the intelligent women I adore, you don’t suffer fools.
This is a beautiful expression of self care and growth. I’m sorry about your cousin, Kristin, but perhaps forgetting her birthday was also a way of moving past the first decade of agony and of loss and the trauma of it. Perhaps there is a gift in being belated. I don’t know, but I hope so. I felt that while reading. Thank you, my friend.
I agree, I cried on the 4th for a while. Then I realized exactly what you said, I was so busy living the day passed me by without notice. I know she would laugh and call me a bitch. Life always goes on. I know this better than most.
Thank you for your kindness from the very start. ❤️
Yes, that’s a beautiful way to describe the belated realization. Friday, Aug 2, was the anniversary of my brother’s passing in 1992. He died at 5 pm and I always try to have a moment of silence. Of course, I looked at the clock and it was past 5. The memories of our loved ones slip into the timeless. And, likewise, thank you for your kindness from the very start, too.
Somehow I’ve always know the kindest hearts have known tremendous loss. I’m sorry about your brother.
Thank you for choosing to share that with me. Of course it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere or so they say. That’s also why I love the cardinals in the yard so much. A million ways to say hello
Yes, my brother loved beer and wine, so the 5 o’clock timing would be one of his pranks. He had osteosarcoma. Twice. A twelve year remission and was a test case for the first knee replacements in the early 1980s. He was 34 when he died. I promised myself that I would try to live a compassionate life and then everyday, no matter how much I miss him, I would know that he didn’t die in vain. You’re right about the birds as messengers.
I resonate with walking away from ICU. I had to walk away last may after 6 years. I went into ICU right out of nursing school despite all the people telling me know. I knew what I wanted and I was right. I loved it. And I was very good at it. One day, I broke down. One of our beautiful chaplains was making his rounds checking in on the nurses. He asked if I was okay (and you know that's the magic words to open the my overflowing spring of tears containing all the burnout and suppressed feelings. When I walked away, I felt like a failure. Like I couldn't "hack it". I'm at a point now that I know it was what I needed. While I didn't really accept it at the time, I'm in a much healthier place now. Developing much better habits. This journey has not been a continually parade of achievements. I developed a compulsory need to smoke a joint after every shift. Eventually, I went part time and that gave me the time I needed to dig deep into my soul: journaling, therapy, yoga, meditation. I'm not always consistent but I'm trying that's all any of us can do. I thank myself for this everyday. I wish I could go back to ICU, it felt so good. The adrenaline, the superiority, the ability to support families as ushered them through what is the hardest time of their lives. I don't know if I'll ever be able to return but I know now, if I don't. It's okay. I accept this because now instead of measuring my worth against my performance, I'm learning to accept I am enough and worthy regardless of the work I'm doing. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to share as well. I'm so glad I read this. Walking away from a job I loved was so hard, and its nice to know im not alone. 💜
Aw hi fellow superior ICU nurse and Substack author. Thank you. I don’t ever worry about what the nurses think because I know you know. I’ve tried every method of coping around. Journaling is my favorite and it helped me track my mood swings, habits and helped me identify when I felt the strongest. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, even if it was like riding a bike. Sometimes I ride home in utter silence and it helps. I still take my shoes off and leave my warm up jacket at work. I’d like to thank Mr. Rogers for that trick. Thank you so much, I look forward seeing you again soon.
Journaling has been a beautiful habit that I'm getting better at developing. I start my day with a hot cup and french pressed coffee (bc why not?) And my journal. I'm not allowed to read anything on my phone until that's done. Shout out to @taraschuster's substack "a little thing that helps" which provides a wonderful supportive community of journaling/self care warriors. 3 days a week, she gives prompts that are insightful and thought provoking. Sending love and peace to you and everyone here. I appreciate you all💜
Thank you feel free to drop a link here in the comment section to anything you think will help us all understand ourselves more. By the way I started in the ICU as a new grad. The professor I respected the most asked me if I was scared to go to the ICU and I said yes. She said I could go with her approval because she was only afraid of the nurses who weren’t scared. Solidarity forever ♾️ 💪🏼❤️
That's beautiful. Idk if I'll ever go back but when I think about it, I'm scared. I don't want to become broken again. I used to walk in feeling I could handle whatever comes but now... I loved it so much and I wanted to become an ICU educator. Do you have any insight/words on these feelings? I have accepted I may never go back but... there's still something that pulls me. I haven't discovered what that may be.
Well I thought about going back for almost a year before I made my move. I felt I had what I needed to handle it and yet nothing prepared me for what was a massive tragedy on the first day. I got in the car and sobbed, but I let myself sob. It was a jolt back to reality.
If I ever feel like I can’t handle it, I’ll move on. That I’m certain of. I know the cost to self. It’s just so fulfilling as my children are making their way into the world. I have this ability to transmute pain into power and so I use it. You’ll know what to do. You have the heart and instinct of a critical care nurse. Personally I wanted to rewrite my ending 💗
This is the link to the substack I mentioned for anyone who is interested. She also has a book "Buy yourself the f*king lilies" that's she's narrates herself. I've listened to it twice and it was one of the things that sparked my self-care journey.
Rise up, Warrior... 48 and 49 are the years of cleansing, preparation for the real work of life ahead. All the retrospection, the culling away of what is not needed, the gathering in of what is left to do before the Big 5-0...
then the Sun rises, and we realise Life is still beautiful, and so are we.💖
Thank you, I am loving every minute of aging. For a lot of reasons, I never thought I would live to say that. So much work to be done. I'm sending love right back to you.
Love your writing style. It just drew me in. Such a talent! ✨
Trudi I’m such a huge fan of yours and so very humbled reading this. Thank you for your kind words ❤️
I ditched yoga too! And also have been smoking cigarettes. It’s so bad…. That’s sad about your cousin. I have a 21 year old daughter. I worry constantly…..
I think I just totally disconnect and don’t think about it at all. I’m sure that not healthy and think I use smoking to manage my anxiety. I’m finding my way back to yoga. I know it opens me so I sort of avoid it when I don’t feel like sobbing. Lol.
Thanks for commenting!
I was always afraid of the Emergency room. But absolutely fine in a busy casualty dept.
Appreciate you keeping it real. Yeah I turned 50 this year and relate to much of what you said. Anyone working in healthcare sadly gets to literally see things at the ‘sharp end’, all that’s going on and that must definitely take its toll on you after a while, my love. Keep vibing high, my friend x
Thanks Julie Dee. By the way I thought you were about 42! The job has definitely aged me, but somehow it gave me a childlike appreciation for the simplest things in life. I don’t mind because sunsets and ice cream cones always make me feel so happy. ❤️
Bless you. Yes I think as we age we appreciate the simple things in life more and more. A cup of tea always makes me smile, a comfy bed, a starry night….😊
🙏😎
I don’t know how anyone could ever imagine you hate men. 🤔 clearly they don’t actually read what you write. You love men, and like the rest of the intelligent women I adore, you don’t suffer fools.
Clearly people need to read more. Lol. I hear it a lot, even from men I know and love. 🤔
I adore you too 😘
This is a beautiful expression of self care and growth. I’m sorry about your cousin, Kristin, but perhaps forgetting her birthday was also a way of moving past the first decade of agony and of loss and the trauma of it. Perhaps there is a gift in being belated. I don’t know, but I hope so. I felt that while reading. Thank you, my friend.
I agree, I cried on the 4th for a while. Then I realized exactly what you said, I was so busy living the day passed me by without notice. I know she would laugh and call me a bitch. Life always goes on. I know this better than most.
Thank you for your kindness from the very start. ❤️
Yes, that’s a beautiful way to describe the belated realization. Friday, Aug 2, was the anniversary of my brother’s passing in 1992. He died at 5 pm and I always try to have a moment of silence. Of course, I looked at the clock and it was past 5. The memories of our loved ones slip into the timeless. And, likewise, thank you for your kindness from the very start, too.
Somehow I’ve always know the kindest hearts have known tremendous loss. I’m sorry about your brother.
Thank you for choosing to share that with me. Of course it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere or so they say. That’s also why I love the cardinals in the yard so much. A million ways to say hello
Yes, my brother loved beer and wine, so the 5 o’clock timing would be one of his pranks. He had osteosarcoma. Twice. A twelve year remission and was a test case for the first knee replacements in the early 1980s. He was 34 when he died. I promised myself that I would try to live a compassionate life and then everyday, no matter how much I miss him, I would know that he didn’t die in vain. You’re right about the birds as messengers.
Please know you’ve kept your promise. You’re an angel to so many and no I’m not just talking about our furry friends
🪽
Thank you, Kristin. Furever.
I resonate with walking away from ICU. I had to walk away last may after 6 years. I went into ICU right out of nursing school despite all the people telling me know. I knew what I wanted and I was right. I loved it. And I was very good at it. One day, I broke down. One of our beautiful chaplains was making his rounds checking in on the nurses. He asked if I was okay (and you know that's the magic words to open the my overflowing spring of tears containing all the burnout and suppressed feelings. When I walked away, I felt like a failure. Like I couldn't "hack it". I'm at a point now that I know it was what I needed. While I didn't really accept it at the time, I'm in a much healthier place now. Developing much better habits. This journey has not been a continually parade of achievements. I developed a compulsory need to smoke a joint after every shift. Eventually, I went part time and that gave me the time I needed to dig deep into my soul: journaling, therapy, yoga, meditation. I'm not always consistent but I'm trying that's all any of us can do. I thank myself for this everyday. I wish I could go back to ICU, it felt so good. The adrenaline, the superiority, the ability to support families as ushered them through what is the hardest time of their lives. I don't know if I'll ever be able to return but I know now, if I don't. It's okay. I accept this because now instead of measuring my worth against my performance, I'm learning to accept I am enough and worthy regardless of the work I'm doing. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to share as well. I'm so glad I read this. Walking away from a job I loved was so hard, and its nice to know im not alone. 💜
Aw hi fellow superior ICU nurse and Substack author. Thank you. I don’t ever worry about what the nurses think because I know you know. I’ve tried every method of coping around. Journaling is my favorite and it helped me track my mood swings, habits and helped me identify when I felt the strongest. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, even if it was like riding a bike. Sometimes I ride home in utter silence and it helps. I still take my shoes off and leave my warm up jacket at work. I’d like to thank Mr. Rogers for that trick. Thank you so much, I look forward seeing you again soon.
Journaling has been a beautiful habit that I'm getting better at developing. I start my day with a hot cup and french pressed coffee (bc why not?) And my journal. I'm not allowed to read anything on my phone until that's done. Shout out to @taraschuster's substack "a little thing that helps" which provides a wonderful supportive community of journaling/self care warriors. 3 days a week, she gives prompts that are insightful and thought provoking. Sending love and peace to you and everyone here. I appreciate you all💜
Thank you feel free to drop a link here in the comment section to anything you think will help us all understand ourselves more. By the way I started in the ICU as a new grad. The professor I respected the most asked me if I was scared to go to the ICU and I said yes. She said I could go with her approval because she was only afraid of the nurses who weren’t scared. Solidarity forever ♾️ 💪🏼❤️
That's beautiful. Idk if I'll ever go back but when I think about it, I'm scared. I don't want to become broken again. I used to walk in feeling I could handle whatever comes but now... I loved it so much and I wanted to become an ICU educator. Do you have any insight/words on these feelings? I have accepted I may never go back but... there's still something that pulls me. I haven't discovered what that may be.
Well I thought about going back for almost a year before I made my move. I felt I had what I needed to handle it and yet nothing prepared me for what was a massive tragedy on the first day. I got in the car and sobbed, but I let myself sob. It was a jolt back to reality.
If I ever feel like I can’t handle it, I’ll move on. That I’m certain of. I know the cost to self. It’s just so fulfilling as my children are making their way into the world. I have this ability to transmute pain into power and so I use it. You’ll know what to do. You have the heart and instinct of a critical care nurse. Personally I wanted to rewrite my ending 💗
Thank you for your wisdom and heart. And for reminding me to trust myself.
https://open.substack.com/pub/taraschuster?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=3zjdh0
This is the link to the substack I mentioned for anyone who is interested. She also has a book "Buy yourself the f*king lilies" that's she's narrates herself. I've listened to it twice and it was one of the things that sparked my self-care journey.
Thank you for reading the subscriber introduction too. #cognition.
We’ve come a long way baby. 💪🏼❤️