Kristin, I have so many tears it's hard to type this. All I can say is everyone should read this piece and so many, many in leadership should be held accountable to the death, destruction and madness that you and so many others and families endured and are still enduring. I have learned that grief is not only reserved for death and gratitude is reserved for those strong enough to carry on and forgive (what's done) but NEVER forget. Our strength is our resolve. There can never be a "next time." I want to reach through this app and hug you tight. Thank you for pouring your heart and speaking truth to light. Love, deb ox
Deb thank you, I cried this afternoon when I read your comments. I spent so many years hiding what it felt like to be there. I wanted to leave but there was nowhere to go and nothing else to do except sit home and be scared. I’m glad I stayed so I can do what I’m doing now which is connect with people and hear the stories from all over the country. I was able to move past it and thrive, but not everyone was as lucky.
Kristin, I am so glad you were able to overcome. I know that Substack has been my saving grace for some heavy grief during that time and I believe it’s been a real blessing for so many other people as well. It’s a great community and one that I hope stays beautiful, for the most part. It’s certainly no coincidence that this became a place of healing. We can never hide again or become small.
Lately I think of Paul Harvey’s “If I Were the Devil.” It’s hard to get it out of my mind and every time I hear of something happening, that I know is a falsehood or just downright evil, I think of that. He had a longtime radio show and this was a famous speech. YouTube it if you haven’t already heard it. oxox
How did I miss this one? Wow! You are so incredibly blessed with the gifts Kristin. Besides empathy and caring for people you are also brave. Thank you for doing what you did, and what you continue to do now — try to make people well. Thank you for sharing your space with us, and opening your heart. ♥️ 🥰
Thank you my friend. This was my very first piece on substack. I never really promoted it because I was new and also afraid of sharing it. That was in March and I’m past that. It was an awful moment, I missed the family presence in the ICU and was heartbroken for everyone that went through that terrible time alone. I share it also because I don’t want anything like that to happen again. ❤️❤️
Kristen, this piece took me to another world. Your world. The world of those who passed. I wept. You are a force. You are a gift on SO many levels. It's not often you get a blow by blow run down of how a woman is broken open but that in many ways is what this felt like. Relentless life. To be here now and see the light bursting forth is a fucking honor. Truly. So deeply grateful for all you bring to this world. ❤️🔥
Oh thank you. I had chills and tears as I read your comment! I’ve edited this post several times, it’s my very first piece on substack. All roads led me here. ❤️
Omgosh…the best description of that March… that spring…the lingering fear and isolation. Your writing is incredible, your honesty and vulnerability… just wow! All these years later and I’m crying for you, that you stuck to it, showed up. Than you for sharing Kristin… I’m subscribing! Much love to you and so so many hugs! ❤️🥰🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Thank you Joan. It means so much to me to read your kind words. This was so difficult to initially share, but I am always glad I chose to share it. We got a lawn sign that said I was a hero and I didn't want to let my children down.🩷
This blew me away. 2020 was a difficult year for everyone and I knew those in the medical professions had been hit harder than most not least because so much was expected of them. But to read it like this, from a first person perspective... all I can think to say is thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
I have no words. Super powerful. Beautifully written. I am sorry to hear your story, and admire your bravery and courage, and am thankful that you are in the world.
I’m so glad you recovered from your experience! I absolutely agree with you that we all have the capacity to heal. I have lived and seen how the human spirit prevails in the face of hardship so I understand why you don’t regret your choices. And knowing that you are the only one who will save you makes you grow. I think you must be a very tall woman! 😉
Thanks for your response and thank you again for sharing your story.
I’m blown away. What a heartbreaking story told with such raw honesty. Thank you for letting us into your world. There is so much I didn’t know.
I was also working everyday during the pandemic, but as a Montessori teacher, not a nurse. It was tough, but I went through nowhere near what you did.
I also experienced the breakdown of my relationship during a traumatic time (this happened to me recently). No one should have to shoulder that burden alone - I’m so sorry that you did.
I hope you have been able to recover from this experience. Thank you so much for your work. And thank you for sharing this story.
Thank you for your kind words, for sharing your thoughts with me and for re-stacking this story. I am happy to report that I went on to make a full recovery! Not only that, but I would do it all again without any hesitation. Yes, you read that correctly.
It was the most traumatic and painful period in my life, but also a time of great expansion and personal growth. I knew with certainty that the only one coming to save me, was me. My patients showed me for years that the human spirit is indomitable and that we all have the capacity to heal. Healing and recovering from trauma, is not a pretty or easy process. It is, like much of life, a process.
Kristin, I have so many tears it's hard to type this. All I can say is everyone should read this piece and so many, many in leadership should be held accountable to the death, destruction and madness that you and so many others and families endured and are still enduring. I have learned that grief is not only reserved for death and gratitude is reserved for those strong enough to carry on and forgive (what's done) but NEVER forget. Our strength is our resolve. There can never be a "next time." I want to reach through this app and hug you tight. Thank you for pouring your heart and speaking truth to light. Love, deb ox
Deb thank you, I cried this afternoon when I read your comments. I spent so many years hiding what it felt like to be there. I wanted to leave but there was nowhere to go and nothing else to do except sit home and be scared. I’m glad I stayed so I can do what I’m doing now which is connect with people and hear the stories from all over the country. I was able to move past it and thrive, but not everyone was as lucky.
Kristin, I am so glad you were able to overcome. I know that Substack has been my saving grace for some heavy grief during that time and I believe it’s been a real blessing for so many other people as well. It’s a great community and one that I hope stays beautiful, for the most part. It’s certainly no coincidence that this became a place of healing. We can never hide again or become small.
Lately I think of Paul Harvey’s “If I Were the Devil.” It’s hard to get it out of my mind and every time I hear of something happening, that I know is a falsehood or just downright evil, I think of that. He had a longtime radio show and this was a famous speech. YouTube it if you haven’t already heard it. oxox
How did I miss this one? Wow! You are so incredibly blessed with the gifts Kristin. Besides empathy and caring for people you are also brave. Thank you for doing what you did, and what you continue to do now — try to make people well. Thank you for sharing your space with us, and opening your heart. ♥️ 🥰
Thank you my friend. This was my very first piece on substack. I never really promoted it because I was new and also afraid of sharing it. That was in March and I’m past that. It was an awful moment, I missed the family presence in the ICU and was heartbroken for everyone that went through that terrible time alone. I share it also because I don’t want anything like that to happen again. ❤️❤️
Kristen, this piece took me to another world. Your world. The world of those who passed. I wept. You are a force. You are a gift on SO many levels. It's not often you get a blow by blow run down of how a woman is broken open but that in many ways is what this felt like. Relentless life. To be here now and see the light bursting forth is a fucking honor. Truly. So deeply grateful for all you bring to this world. ❤️🔥
Oh thank you. I had chills and tears as I read your comment! I’ve edited this post several times, it’s my very first piece on substack. All roads led me here. ❤️
It was such an honor to read 💓🙏
Thank you. I unraveled slowly from February to mid summer, but it was a long time coming. Your comments perfectly summed up my experience. ❤️
Reading through them, there was a familiarity on a visceral level. The unraveling is the beginning of Everything.❤️🔥🙏
🥰❤️🤗
Kristin! This is incredible
Thank you! It’s slightly terrifying putting it out here. This means a lot to me .
Wow. That is all I can say.
Thank you. It took me 4 years to pour this piece onto a page. I still don’t know how I feel about any of it. Hindsight is not yet 20/20.
Omgosh…the best description of that March… that spring…the lingering fear and isolation. Your writing is incredible, your honesty and vulnerability… just wow! All these years later and I’m crying for you, that you stuck to it, showed up. Than you for sharing Kristin… I’m subscribing! Much love to you and so so many hugs! ❤️🥰🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Thank you Joan. It means so much to me to read your kind words. This was so difficult to initially share, but I am always glad I chose to share it. We got a lawn sign that said I was a hero and I didn't want to let my children down.🩷
This blew me away. 2020 was a difficult year for everyone and I knew those in the medical professions had been hit harder than most not least because so much was expected of them. But to read it like this, from a first person perspective... all I can think to say is thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
You’re welcome and thank you for your kind words and support. It’s never necessary, but always appreciated.
I have no words. Super powerful. Beautifully written. I am sorry to hear your story, and admire your bravery and courage, and am thankful that you are in the world.
Thank you! I will always be sorry so many lives were lost in 2020, but not for my own hardships. Every last one of them changed me for the better.
It would all turn out for the best, the way it usually does.
I’m so glad you recovered from your experience! I absolutely agree with you that we all have the capacity to heal. I have lived and seen how the human spirit prevails in the face of hardship so I understand why you don’t regret your choices. And knowing that you are the only one who will save you makes you grow. I think you must be a very tall woman! 😉
Thanks for your response and thank you again for sharing your story.
Ha! Holding strong at 5'7' and certain I will never again shrink.
I’m blown away. What a heartbreaking story told with such raw honesty. Thank you for letting us into your world. There is so much I didn’t know.
I was also working everyday during the pandemic, but as a Montessori teacher, not a nurse. It was tough, but I went through nowhere near what you did.
I also experienced the breakdown of my relationship during a traumatic time (this happened to me recently). No one should have to shoulder that burden alone - I’m so sorry that you did.
I hope you have been able to recover from this experience. Thank you so much for your work. And thank you for sharing this story.
Hi Serena,
Thank you for your kind words, for sharing your thoughts with me and for re-stacking this story. I am happy to report that I went on to make a full recovery! Not only that, but I would do it all again without any hesitation. Yes, you read that correctly.
It was the most traumatic and painful period in my life, but also a time of great expansion and personal growth. I knew with certainty that the only one coming to save me, was me. My patients showed me for years that the human spirit is indomitable and that we all have the capacity to heal. Healing and recovering from trauma, is not a pretty or easy process. It is, like much of life, a process.
Thank you