So here we are, you’re reading this on now September 12, 2024. What a long strange trip it’s been, I’m actually writing off the cuff on what is the still night of the 11th here in New Jersey.
Earlier this year I connected with a shaman named Owl and discussed working with him to do a little ahem, energy clearing. It might surprise you to learn I do things like this all the time although most of my work as a Critical-Care Nurse is rooted in straight up science. That’s the thing, it’s work and it’s hard work sometimes. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I’m tired. When the love for my profession and what I do, starts to outweigh the challenges of working within a very complicated system I will move on.
Today is not that day.
Owl the Shaman is a former first responder. I was reminded of this on social media today when he stopped to pay tribute to those who perished and those who served on September 11, 2001,—the team he voluntarily traveled to Ground Zero with. By the way, I also never met him in real life; we had a brief phone conversation and exchanged a few text messages in February. Tonight I texted him to let him know I’d passed on his message, the one where he said he wants us all to remember more of how we came together as a country when we woke up on September 12, 2001.
Owl was absolutely thrilled I shared his message with Substack, and I told him I was not sorry we didn’t work together like we’d planned. Simply stated I have unfinished business with my profession, thanks so much 2020,— and I am not going anywhere until I have settled what is my own personal score.
Of course everyone thinks I should give up being a nurse, just live in the woods, sit on my ass selling lies to people and pretending I’m happy all day. As if, and that’ll be the goddamn day when I stop doing something I love. Truth be told I like to almost constantly move, —I’m always so grateful I can move every muscle in my body and oh—like all good chess players, I often make my best moves in silence.
Nothing I say is ever intended as a knock toward, or as a slight to others. Most people have not one clue just how grateful they should be for every single breath they can actually wake up and take.
However living off the land, or very close to it, is not yet my reality. There is no doubt in my mind that I will someday head for the mountains, near a beach, but only when I am done raising my children near their other equally awesome parent and in the place I choose to raise them. I will also never give up my four seasons, so I haven’t ruled out Australia as a viable relocation option either.
Anyway I leave you with this from Mother Debbie, who I think is about ready to drive herself to New Jersey from Delaware, in order to whoop my ass. Debbie always says if you want to make God laugh then go ahead and make some plans.
Debbie has just as many juicy life tidbits ready to launch at any given moment, as her mother Nanny Shirley did. We also all refer to my mother as Debbie,— because my sister and I sometimes pass around her inspirational Facebook messages amongst ourselves to say who the hell is this sweet woman? We grew up with a very different version of Debbie. The Debbie we knew built control panels for missiles and worked as a supervisor for a government contractor back in the 1980’s, and so she was actually a boss bitch who unapologetically made us eat Swanson TV dinners and Ellio’s Pizza because she didn’t feel like cooking. She still doesn’t feel like cooking and my father, who we call Chris Rock, does all the cooking. It all works out, he once trained as a cook in The United States Navy.
Like me, my mother is a force to be reckoned with, an absolute enigma and I love her very much. She knows this, loves me to the moon and back according to her Facebook posts; and so this is why I feel comfortable sharing what are tiny bits and pieces of our story here.
Nanny Shirley said that there are always three sides to any story; the truth being the untold third version. Nanny Shirley was a legend, a prophetic proverbial grandmother and we miss her every single day.
This is always my one version told only as I know it. It evolves with me, just like most human stories. I fully know that if I shared my rather complex yet simple personal thoughts on current events, I would no doubt lose half of my subscribers and I will never divulge which half.
Oh and I am undecided if I will even vote this year and make no apologies to anyone, not even my own daughters, for exercising my choice. Unless you happen to have worked as a nurse through a pandemic, please do not approach me about voting thanks.
God bless anyone who thinks they know my truth. So I am wrapping up this Back to School: ICU Edition, series a little earlier than I previously planned. That’s me, just a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. I’ve got places to go, things to do and people to care for including myself.
Side Note: I’m due to sweat like a,—really fun nurse who knows we can all die at any moment,— in church this weekend because it’s been a minute and I miss it. Every blue moon I feel the urge to go and my schedule doesn’t always allow me to go on a Sunday, but I know exactly where I feel like I need to be this weekend.
Please continue to pray or send some positive energy to my good friend
—whose very close family members are in the midst of trying to battle a completely devastating Mount Baldy area wildfire. Thanks Deb and OXOX, for the reminder of how precious this life is.As Deb stated, it’s terrifying because there is only one way in and one way out.
Thank you ❤
PS: This unforeseen early end was truly inspired by several real life conversations with my Substack friends and acquaintances, but mostly with my own passionate family, my always real co-workers, one very real shaman and some BIG love in my life.
In conclusion, here are some favorite photos from the archives that capture the spirit of some of the family members I’ve been writing about.
Next month I think I’m maybe going to honor the dead by sharing some more personal stories from my own hospital experiences with them. We’ll see, anything is possible.
See ya later Substack, look for me in your comments and I will be restacking whatever I feel like restacking.
Love this… seeing your family pics/history! Your badass vibe
knowing when it’s time to fold ‘em, walk a way awhile! You inspire me …able to do you and knowing yourself so well! Don’t be gone long, dear friend! Love reading you, knowing you, having your friendship! 🥰❤️ Go, Do, Be! Love you!
Ok. So no more back to school edition.
Gives me a chance to check out some of those earlier posts. I’m sure there are a few classics buried in there !! Stay visible - we need you out here 😊